Mom Life At It's Not-So Finest Moments

Ok, I'm about to be REAL honest? Why do I want to remember this "phase" in life? I don't particularly, but I do need to vent because I'm about to lose it...

My new baby doesn't sleep.  It's clock work he is up every 2-3 hours, day and night! My first was a dream baby. I had him on a schedule, he slept through the night at 8 weeks, he was happy. With my first baby I looked happy on the outside, but on the inside I was struggling. Why was I struggling when I had this perfect baby? With my second baby I'm happy on the inside. I love this little guy more than anything! But I'm EXHAUSTED and I look it. I'm unhappy with my appearance and I'm craving consistency but I can't seem to get there. All I can be thankful for is that he is the happiest baby who smiles all the time.

My toddler is up for the worst toddler of the year award! LIKE SERIOUSLY! Not only am I exhausted from baby, but I'm exhausted from hearing my toddler scream 80% of the day (here's my payback for dream baby). Most days I seriously question my ability to be a good mom. Not only do I feel like I have failed my child for his delayed speech, I feel terrible that all I do is seem to yell at him to stop screaming. He doesn't get to just tell us no to something. He has to turn it into a full-blown cry fest. And because he doesn't talk well, the situation only gets worse. He tries to speak but it isn't clear. So then he yells some more when we don't understand his "demands." And don't even get me started on sleeping. Bedtime seems to be a game now, with you guessed it, more screaming battles! What once was an enjoyable time of the night with him reading books and singing songs has turned into high pitch screams when we try to leave the room. And 2 hours later, he is maybe asleep and the baby is up again!

I don't feel like myself. I'm not the mother I thought I would be. I'm lucky to shower every other day. I work from home in pajamas or workout clothes. My hair is thrown up in ponytails. I feel the bags under my eyes. At least I have my workouts, that's the only thing I do for myself. I generally snooze my alarm til 10m before I need to log-in to work because just 45m of extra sleep sounds nice. I often head straight to bed instead of spending even 20-30m with my husband because too the extra sleep before the baby wakes up 1 of 4 times during the night sounds nice. I know this is not the way life will always be, but right now the struggle is REAL! So there you have it.